Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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