Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
it glows. i had to have it.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
