just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Randomize
