sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
