At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
