it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
