Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
