Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
