CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
