I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
