I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Someone shit on the floor
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
