Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
