Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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