oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
