i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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