somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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