i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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