when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
