I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
