that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
soo... how was my night?
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