she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
