Its about making memories worth repressing
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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