this boner is exhausting
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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