either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
