Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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