Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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