6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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