What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
