I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
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