can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You are a booty call, not a friend.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I did not marry a roomba.
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