wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
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