Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I would ride that face into the sunset
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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