Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
