did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
