dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
