So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
