Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
