Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
