guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
