hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
