I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
