My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
