She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
