Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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