Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Randomize
