i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
