I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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