Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
