I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
