If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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