You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
