Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
