sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
