Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
