you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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