I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
