Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
