If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
