She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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