I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
