If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
