Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
