My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
im holly from the hills drunk
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
