Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We are two peas in an std pod
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
