There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
