It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
