I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
