My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
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right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
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We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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