Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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