You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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