I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
