U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
