all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
where are you?
Hypothermia
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
