the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
