i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
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Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
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I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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