We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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