Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
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He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
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Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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