Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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